Today was the last day of soccer tots for 2014. It's been fun though I will confess that my son has played more with athletic cones than the soccer balls. Why does my son always want to eat the athletic equipment? I told one of the parents that they need "track tots" because my son loves to run. He would play red light-green light until he collapsed.
Every soccer tots session, my son takes in the environment and notices everything - well everything but the directions of the coach. He recognizes his friends on the field, knows what is going to happen next when the large parachute comes out and becomes transfixed with the fathers on the field. Several times today, my son stood in front of several tall, athletic fathers and stared at them for minutes at a time. Men fascinate him and he loves all of them - the barking fathers who yell the directions of the coach over and over to their sons and the sweet, soft-spoken fathers who sit on the ground with their daughters and help them build castles with their small cones.
Part of my job as his mother and sole parent is to expose him to great examples of men as he does his research. My son is processing this information and logging it away in his mental database for future recall.
Let me be brutally honest here. Most days, I don't think about the fact that he does not have a father. I am too busy keeping him alive and upright to think about those things. Some days, my mind does wander in how he will understand that we will never know the identity of his father. Who my son becomes will be shaped with how well he deals with this. I hope I can help him realize that every person on this planet deals with things that seem outside the norm and that life provides to us in various forms. You can't waste your life stressing that your life did not mimic the form of another. Instead, embrace what you have around you and make your family out of those people that you love.
Maybe the great father figure in my son's life will be a future coach who inspires him to stop snacking on the athletic equipment and fall in love with the game. Or maybe that father figure will be someone who recognizes my son's sweet side and love of animals. Who knows. My son and the future will have to decide.