I found myself in my late thirties unmarried and no one’s mother. Being unmarried was a bit shocking but being childless was heart wrenching. I yearned with every fiber of my being to experience motherhood. I wanted to feel that little life grow inside me, push it out and then go through life being a fantastic mother.
No one dreams that they will be incapable of experiencing pregnancy. That stuff happens to other people, but yes, it happened to me. Of course, I always tried to keep this lack of ability into perspective. I am healthy, free to chronic illness with a body that will let me dance, run and jump as I please. How could I be so down about failing at this one little thing? When the heart wants what it wants, it’s hard to face the reality that you can’t do this.
Without a spouse, I realized that I had to do this medically in my doctor’s office with purchased sperm and more fertility drugs that I ever wanted to endure. Here is my experience from beginning to end in a nice, tidy bulleted list.