Worry has never paid any of my bills or given me any comfort.
I am trying to learn to lay my worry down and lose it forever.
Some days, I actually feel closer to this state, but I am fooling myself.
Being parent comes with some degree of constant worry.
How do you know when to let something happen and when to step in?
It's an everyday struggle.
Today was the solar eclipse.
I picked up my son early from preschool and took him to the downtown park.
There were many people there doing the same thing including lots of kids.
This event was beside his favorite park so he wanted park time.
This park has this large sideways merry-go-around that can hold many kids.
It's a frequent place for big and little kids to sit, hold on and go fast.
My son loves this thing. I dislike this thing. Kids fly off, Kids get kicked. Kids fall down.
But it's fun, it's fast and it's where all of the kids want to be.
On his first approach, a kid accidentally kicked him in the stomach.
He ran crying to me.
After he caught his breath, he wanted to try again.
So, I sat down and watched. I marveled at his bravery.
He wanted to do everything the big kids were doing.
He targeted one kid in particular and chased him around the park mimicking his moves.
The other kid was twice his height and much older. My son hung on his every move.
I learned how to watch close by but give him his space.
My worry levels soared.
Then, I tried to calm myself down.
I have to let him learn to be independent. As long as he is safe, I can give him space.
He fell a few times, then popped back up with a huge smile on his face.
He loved every minute of it.
Then the eclipse happened.
My mind thought of my worry and how I needed to let it go.
My son is powerful, social and brave.
I must learn how to be the mother of someone powerful, social and brave.
Worrying so much will not serve me.