I don't have a penis. I have told my son this repeatedly but I don't think he believes me since he keeps asking to see it.
My reboot last weekend worked though I needed one more day before he returned riding my right hip. Being away from my son for two nights proved to us that we are able to separate and not fall apart. As a single mom, that's a great thing to realize. I have the ability to reach out, ask for help and lean into the love of my friends.
The rest of April feels like a blur. You see, it was PAST time to be a responsible adult and own up to the fact that I was not looking after the outside of my house. So I have been on a rampage of sorts - first my trees were done. No more branches on my house! Then it's being painted. Tomorrow someone who actually knows what he is doing is removing the HEAPS of poison ivy and collapsed fence from my yard. Finally, a partial fence will be built for the illusion of privacy. It all seems too adult, but very necessary.
Now I am inspired to keep going. My son loves to be outside - digging in the dirt, climbing, drawing, mowing the grass, etc. So I am trying to find low-cost ways to convert my yard into his playground. We plan to spend a lot of time out here this summer - which is fine to him and even better for my finances.
So no, I don't have a penis, but I do have the means to get this household looking like we actually care about where we live.
Reboot [rē bo̵̅o̅t′] - To restart or revive, to step away temporarily from operations and start them over again hoping for a better outcome, to take a break to ensure you are presenting the world the best version of yourself.
I can never stop being mommy. It's a switch I can't turn off - nor want to turn off. He is my favorite person on the planet, but sometimes I need a break. I need time to sit down and finish the food on my own plate by myself without getting up repeatedly. I yearn to lay down to sleep and wake up without an alarm in either machine or boy form. My son is my heart, my live-in energy zapper and this mommy needs to reboot for just a moment.
For the next 48 hours, I will not be the person in charge of picking up my son, getting him fed and clean and off to bed in time. Instead, I will be with some girlfriends eating yummy food, reading fashion magazines and dancing my butt off. I don't feel guilt about it - I promise, though I worry if I have thought of everything that they will need to take care of him. Special shout out to his godmother Sara for making this happen. He is in the most capable hands!
Mommies are only human. We get weak, we reach the end of our fuse and we need our needs to take center stage for just a moment. So, that will happen. See you on the other side.
It's been a lovely holiday weekend. The last two molars are apparently very stubborn taking their own sweet time. The Easter bunny came at our house, his godparent's house, and his great-grandmother's house. We attempted an overcrowded Easter egg hunt with no success though my son only wanted to see the Easter bunny which happened.
Something did happen this week that wasn't so lovely. You see, my son is two. Translation, he is one-minute calm and next-minute crazy. Sometimes he does not listen and he always hates transitions. He is a typical toddler. I don't spank or hit my child, instead I use time out and taking away the thing he loves to influence this behavior.
Sometimes I raise my voice to get his attention. This happens after several layers of repeating my directions and getting right in his face. I even warn him that it's coming. "I am running out of ways to tell you this nicely. You are about to cue the mean, mommy voice." Sometimes the warning is enough to get his attention and all is well. Other times, the voice arrives and it's mean, so mean that I sometimes scare myself. Once it arrives, I immediately stop using it and say, "Why did you make me use the mean, mommy voice on you?"
I hate the mean, mommy voice, but sometimes it's the only thing that will get his attention. One night in the bathtub, my son made me question its existence. He is a parrot, repeating everything he hears. While playing in the tub, he said, "I'm mommy, then this mean, scary voice came out. " He laughed and I went into shock.
Since that bath, I have been trying to explore other strategies so that I can phase out or at least lessen the use of the mean, mommy voice. I am trying things like talking extra softly so that he has to be quiet to hear me, sitting quietly not doing what he wants while I count to myself, and longer bouts of time out.
I so dislike shouting. I don't want my son to be scared of me and violence is never the answer. The mean, mommy voice has it's place, but it's more for emergencies when my son could hurt himself or others. We will figure this out so that I can raise him to be kind, gentle and polite. This will happen, I just need to remember that sometimes the person who needs to go to time out is me.
To quote my son, "I better be nice."