I have to confess something. Sometimes I wonder if I should adopt a second child. The adoption process is long, complicated and at times, painful. It took three plus years to bring my son into my life. Why would I ever dream of doing it again? Let me explain.
I grew up with siblings and cousins. There were always other kids around me. I watched my son play with other kids during the holidays getting caught up in the noise and laughter. I worried that I made a bad decision of raising an only child. My son asks the clerks at our local grocery store to come home with us. He wants people to come over to our house every day.
Also, I have noticed how different I am from parents with two or more children. My brother and his wife have three children and they have a comfort level that I don't have. After you survive the first kid worrying about everything, you approach parenthood a bit looser with the other children. This is not completely true for me. At a playdate in November, the other mother sent all of the kids upstairs to play unsupervised and while the parents sat on the couch drinking coffee. While they talked, I worried about everything that could happen to my son upstairs. In hindsight, my son needed that distance from me to gain confidence and explore on his own. I needed it too.
I am 46 years young and plan to retire in 21 years. Yes, I waited until later in life to become a mother and I don't regret it. I spent my twenties getting two college degrees and living overseas. My thirties was about finding my career path, owning my own business and buying a house. My forties are focused on parenthood. Once I hit 40, I was at peace with having just one child.
My thoughts about adopting again are not for me. I love having just one child and giving him my full attention. My concern is watching my incredibly social son play with others and beg for more time. BUT, something always brings me back to reality besides my bank account. When I am home alone with my son and we are talking just to two of us over dinner, it's amazing. My son is happy. If his birthmother reaches out to me with another, I will make it work, but right now as my son and I like to say, "We make a good team."
Today in the car, my son was asking questions about families. He said, "We have a small family". "No, we don't", I said. "We have a large family". I rattled off everyone in his family. His reply, "Yes, I have a big family and my family loves me." My son is very loved and will be the child who asks for all of his friends to sleep over at his house often. I am OK with that - just like I am OK with being a parent of an only child.